My First Remote Reading

I took a stab at a remote reading today for Rommil. My first one ever. I somehow all of a sudden felt something that encouraged me to suggest it, so I followed my intuition and offered Rommil a reading if he wanted one.

I asked him to think about issues that were ongoing currently within his life and I, simultaneously, picked the cards.

I picked, in this order:

FOUR OF WANDS

• Buying or selling real estate.
• Achievemnt harmony
• Marriage

KNIGHT OF WANDS

• Info abt work and social activities.
  
• Departure, absence, long journeys
  
• News of mariage and other happy events (one possibly marred by frustration)
  
• Action.
• November - Dec
  

QUEEN OF WANDS (reversed).

• Home issues and real estate needs are important
• Potential of working from home?.
  
• Potential for promotion at work. (or not due to reversal??)
• Aries (Mar 11 - Apr 10)
  

All wands! Interesting.

I didn't use any particular positions for the cards, instead I took them as all portraying his current situation as that's what I felt.

Here is how I put it all together.


Major theme: real estate (buying or selling)
You or someone close to you are going to be moving

The second theme is that of celebration
This could mean, a marriage in your family, or the birth of a child. it could also mean discussion about pregnancy that you feel may be moving too fast (the knight's quick movement).
And another celebration unrelated to you within your family - perhaps a wedding or anniversary ... some kind of happy time.

There is also the issue that you are seeking harmony within your space right now and maybe thats why you feel that discussion of a another baby is too premature or too fast

Good news about a trip - maybe a vacation soon on the way

Good news at work
so either a promotion or just recognition. this could be school too - graduation?


The same card also reminds you that you have a firm foundation for family life maybe this is why pregnancy may be on either your or your wife's mind it also means good fortune

He pulled cards that relate to structures though, like housing, family life, stability. Throughought.

Time frame for the celebration is either in 4 months, or in april of this year or next.


What he afterwards confirmed to me:

1. His mom is buying a house (june 3 months)
2. His soon to be brother in law is getting married this august (Aug 13th 2010)
   
3. His wife and him are planning a child for late next year

The four of wands is off a little in terms of timeframe, too far by a month for the move and missing a month for the wedding.
The queen card is associated with early November - early December perhaps a potential window for the birth date of their child.

The four of

Heartbreak

Last night Bobby and I had a rather serious discussion over supper. And as hard as it became to continue speaking, I am glad we discussed it.

It was about traveling, and how he is coming to realize that I am not happy here. That I am not doing the things I need to do.

And he is right. I didn't really have to even say anything, he said everything that was going through my mind. He said he didn't want me to wake up 5 years from now and realize that I didn't do all the things I wanted because of him.

It's not that easy though. I do want to travel, I know I need to travel. But I don't know how I could ever leave him. Even if it were only for a few months. I don't know how I could do it.

He asked me where it would end. If I left, then he'd always be wondering what the next place would be. Where I would need to run to next.

He said he was happy, that he was ready to settle down. Park himself somewhere. And I understand that. But I am very definitely not ready for that. He said we're at two very different points in our lives. And I know he's right. As much as I don't want to realize or acknowledge it, I know that he is right.

And i really need to go.

This morning Bobby picked a card. I felt it summed up both our feelings enough to not write about any card I picked. Mine were unclear, and unrelated to anything really. Except perhaps the 10 of wands.

SORROW : THE THREE OF SWORDS REVERSED

Waite says:

• Removal
• Absence
• Delay
• Division
  
• Rupture
  
• Reversed it shows mental alienation, error, loss, distraction, disorder, confusion.
  

The three of swords can also mean problems or troubles and unhappiness in a relationship. It obviously foretells of the break up of a couple, or even divorce caused by unfaithfulness. The three swords represents the infiltration of a relationship by a third person or idea that is not within the harmony.

However, he pulled it reversed, which indicates the likelihood of healing and recovery.

Timeframe is : three weeks, months or years

After talking with a few of my friends, and one of my older married friends, all have said that travel is something that comes up in many relationships. Rommil said his girlfriend traveled a lot before they married without him, since he never really wanted to go or couldn't. He said he eventually warmed up to the idea because he knew she wouldn't feel that way for ever, and that she'd eventually warm up to settling down. So he waited a while. But they made it in the end. They are married with a child and happy.

Why couldn't Bobby and I figure out a similar arrangement? I don't want to live without him at any cost. I want to travel with him so badly. I want us to adventure together.

I have no idea what to do. I am so confused.

Is that All there Is?

THE FOUR OF CUPS
Bobby pulled this card for the day.
As per previous it may mean he is thinking about past relationships.
But in his case I'm going to root for the more practical application. That he needs some contemplation time to come to certain solutions. Perhaps job wise, or emotionally.

He could be either dissapointed or emotionally overwhelmed.
What brought him to the solitary place under the tree in the first place?
He should engage himself in theoretical activity. He is in the process of 'putting two and two together' and reaching enlightenment.
It may also be a reminder to him to begin to appreciate the little miracles in life and not get caught up in material affairs.

I truly believe that our relationship is a miracle and I appreciate it everyday, and even more so after contemplating a card such as this one.
Perhaps he feels alone under the tree and I am not doing a good enough job of showing him that I stand or sit with him anywhere and everywhere.

I would stand by his side through anything. And together we'll change this card.

I just hope whatever he's thinking about is productive and brings him incredible success.

He's been busy at work these days, working hard and living up to high expectations. I am so proud of him.

He is my little rock, and I should learn what I can do so he trusts me in the same way.

Another Queen for Palm Sunday

Today I am feeling a bit under the weather. Perhaps a bit discouraged. Yesterday a new week (tarot speaking) has begun, and the new work week begins tomorrow. I do not know what this week will bring. Whether it will be a good one, or a bad one. Whether a new job opportunity will present itself or not. Or whether I even want to take one.

THE QUEEN OF WANDS - REVERSED
This card has made itself the card of Palm Sunday for me. And this Queen, reversed, bring ill news.

Although a hint of money and business success are inherent within the card, it seems that these positive aspects are delayed. Delayed by the prophecy of ferocity, domineering attitudes, jealousy, deceit, unfaithfulness, and disorganization.

Un faithfulness is an interesting one, am I being unfaithful to myself? Perhaps I need to reconsider my career goals and lead myself in a new direction. I am most definitely unorganized mentally and physically at the moment, and my mind is dispersed amidst a gazillion unrelated thoughts and projects that never bear fruit. While all those around me seem to grow in to beautiful glowing women, colleagues, and individuals, I feel like I am receding. Moving backwards. I don't feel like I am progressing at all. And this makes me jealous of those who I feel have lived such interesting experiences of late. Valerie for her success at one of the most renown agencies in Mtl DRAFTFCB, where Joannie works. Both have much less experience than me and are excelling faster than I could ever hope to.
Emily and Anne are both back from trips across Europe where I would give anything to be, and both are back now with so many stories that I can't keep track. Anne has excelled incredibly in photography, better than I could ever hope to become. Why? Because I spend more time looking at the inside of a toilet than I do looking at anything else. I'll wake up one day and realize that.

Marco is still off in Asia, climbing some of the high mountains and traveling across Shanghai, the Philippines, Japan, China, I don't even want to think about it.

Esther will be off to France in a few weeks to visit Mathieu, who is back yet again to see her. She'll be traveling the French coast as well as going to see Dana.

And then there is me. Like the queen. Sitting upon her thrown motionless, inert. Wondering how I ever became this. Will I ever be able to make peace with stagnation? My heart feels like the wind sometimes. This spatial limitation of always being in one place is beginning to worsen my needs to binge, to purge, to contain my feelings as much as I am myself and my body and mind are contained here. And when the need to expel and purge them finally comes, I eat anything in sight and purge it.

Inertia is changing me. It is turning me to stone.

Blended Pleasures : the Four of Cups

It came to me today, as I was contemplating the cards and reading my new books that I may have misinterpreted a card in a reading I did on Halloween while at BAM for Rachel (Leider).
I don't know why I remember her having pulled this card. With the quantity of people I read that day, it really could have been anyone.
The four of cups tells an interesting story. That of the boy on the mountain, so focused on the three cups before him that he misses the sole cup being handed to him from behind, like a gift from the sky. This was exactly the story I told her.
I ridiculously forgot about the meaning inherent throughout the suit of cups. Emotions, Love, Intuition. And for this I feel ridiculous.
The sentence mentioned to remember this card is: 'I realize my love and emotions, but I am still thinking about past loves'.
I should have known.
Here are some newfound contemplations on the card as per what I have read today.

Upright:

• While the person may be involved in a current relationship, he or she is still very much focused on past love experiences which may not be positive.
  
• Make them aware of the potential for a new love relationship
  
• The querent may be depressed. They can overcome this depression with a new mental attitude
  
• Encourage them to let go of old habits and 'routines'. It's okay to make new ones! Perhaps with a new long term partner. But for this to happen they must let go.
  
• Seek sexual balance.
  
• Try to pay attention to the little miracles in life. Love, being together, friends, little attentions. Be positive.

Reversed

• The Querent may be emotionally drained
  
• Unhappy love affair may be in question


• Dissapointed in love or sexually


• Fear of commitment due to fear of rejection


• Boredom - separation or loss


• Perhaps the querent has unrealistic expectations of their lovers
• 
  
  This interpretation should immediately be communicated to Rachel. I have emailed her to ask if in fact she pulled the card, such that I could communicate this to her.

I hope I can fix what I have said to put her back on the right track. I believe she pulled it upright.

Seeing Many Worlds

On this saturday we are both feeling a little more productive than usual. We've cut down on our drinking these past weeks, and were up early to do some cleaning and work.
I am still unemployed, waiting on a call back from the Douglas to find out when I can get in for therapy.
Last week was a great week. I hardly drank and I also succeeded in placing bulimia to the side for a good 5-6 days. It was wonderful. I felt alive and free. This week has been a return to old self-destructive habits which I am scared my haunt me always. My mind is constantly on food, and how I will get over my addictions.

It is interesting to note that we both pulled Queens, and Bobby seems to have pulled a card that alludes to some of my personality traits.

Me:

The Queen of Pentacles: The One Who Sees Many Worlds

• I should expect practical help from a serious, well rounded woman
  
• Earthy, practical, sensible, and resourceful, however a sensitive side remains, an innate understanding and gift for practical magic
  
• The Queen foretells of presents from a rich relative, and a rich happy marriage
  
• Making money
  
• Health issues
  
• Harvest time after much labour
  
• Potential for pregnancy
  
• Sexual focus
  

Timeframe: One Year
(doubtedly not for the pregnancy part)

Bobby:

Queen of Cups: The Water Runs Deep

The Queen of Cups is a card ruled by Scorpio. Bobby seemed to think that many of the qualities listed described me adequately. I find it interesting that he would pull a card that refers to me.
While it seems that some of the latter traits could be accurate, I feel discouraged upon reading the first few.
It seems life skipped me when giving out the traits that make women mother-worthy. This is something, I realize, I will have to come to terms with. It doesn't bother me a bit right now, but I can imagine that as I grow older the knowledge that I will never be worthy of creating life may strike me. Or perhaps it won't - a blessing that may come along with the lack of feminine blessings granted to me. Who knows.

• Typically represents the perfect wife and mother : devoted, caring, giving, nurturing, sensitive, protective, and kind
  
• Period of creativity and inspiration
  
• The Queen foretells of a rich marriage for the man who pulls the card
  
• A loving caring sexual woman, powerful, intuitive, and intense. A good friend, implacable enemy who desires control in her environment. She can be secretive and possessive
  

Timeframe: Days

A Prayer for Courage and Strength

Life is a fine line. One realizes that, I suppose, only when God or some other force decides it's about time you realized you're a circus artist walking a thin rope; realized that you're miles from the ground with nothing but your mind, your body, and all that composes both; in such a way that you are a unique being yet also just just as ordinary as the person walking the line in front and in back of you.

As we walk, some fall, while the rest of us continue. If we are lucky we are replaced by those who come after us. If we are sick, we are replaced by our brothers and sisters. Although in the end, the result remains the same.

Lying in my bed, drugged, likely drunk, and all too sleepy - I remember what it felt like to be helpless. To have strangers be more adept at taking care of me than I myself was. And this was a horrible experience to live. I remember the awful noise, similar to that of nails on a chalk board, made by the old wheels of the stretcher as the two women carried down the narrow, fluroescently lit staircase of our apartment building. I remember holding the rails in an effort to make myself lighter for them. The least I could do, in my uselessness. Lessen my weight, my burden on others. Perhaps if I wasn't so heavy, all of this would just go away. Perhaps if I dissapeared, the lives of those around me would be lighter. Happier. And so I held on to those rails. Hoping that somehow my weight on the line would make it simpler for those around me to walk with balance, grace, and success. 'Let go of the banister' the women asked. But I held on to each rail as I was lifted awkwardly down.

In an effort to mend myself, I create this journal. I create it with the prayer that God will be involved and help me to understand myself and my illness.

That perhaps in understanding my wrongs, my faults, my errors, my weaknesses, I can become better.

Often at night, despite knowing that I am not alone, I feel it. I feel the isolation of my soul. Its discontent, its need to flee. Some nights I beg it to leave, taking my life with it. And I surrender myself to whatever fate would follow.

And some nights I beg it to stay. To give me another chance. To make my heart stop skipping beats - errors that make me dizzy and nautious. I beg my soul to give me the strength to see something in myself worthy of living for.

And so now I ask that this project be fruitful and positive. That perhaps something inside me is worth the on-going days, the effort, the will. And if I am in fact worthy of recovery from my illness, this is a prayer that this journal and journey will be blessed with the courage and strength that will lead me to discover the worth of my soul.