Heartbreak

Last night Bobby and I had a rather serious discussion over supper. And as hard as it became to continue speaking, I am glad we discussed it.

It was about traveling, and how he is coming to realize that I am not happy here. That I am not doing the things I need to do.

And he is right. I didn't really have to even say anything, he said everything that was going through my mind. He said he didn't want me to wake up 5 years from now and realize that I didn't do all the things I wanted because of him.

It's not that easy though. I do want to travel, I know I need to travel. But I don't know how I could ever leave him. Even if it were only for a few months. I don't know how I could do it.

He asked me where it would end. If I left, then he'd always be wondering what the next place would be. Where I would need to run to next.

He said he was happy, that he was ready to settle down. Park himself somewhere. And I understand that. But I am very definitely not ready for that. He said we're at two very different points in our lives. And I know he's right. As much as I don't want to realize or acknowledge it, I know that he is right.

And i really need to go.

This morning Bobby picked a card. I felt it summed up both our feelings enough to not write about any card I picked. Mine were unclear, and unrelated to anything really. Except perhaps the 10 of wands.

SORROW : THE THREE OF SWORDS REVERSED

Waite says:

• Removal
• Absence
• Delay
• Division
  
• Rupture
  
• Reversed it shows mental alienation, error, loss, distraction, disorder, confusion.
  

The three of swords can also mean problems or troubles and unhappiness in a relationship. It obviously foretells of the break up of a couple, or even divorce caused by unfaithfulness. The three swords represents the infiltration of a relationship by a third person or idea that is not within the harmony.

However, he pulled it reversed, which indicates the likelihood of healing and recovery.

Timeframe is : three weeks, months or years

After talking with a few of my friends, and one of my older married friends, all have said that travel is something that comes up in many relationships. Rommil said his girlfriend traveled a lot before they married without him, since he never really wanted to go or couldn't. He said he eventually warmed up to the idea because he knew she wouldn't feel that way for ever, and that she'd eventually warm up to settling down. So he waited a while. But they made it in the end. They are married with a child and happy.

Why couldn't Bobby and I figure out a similar arrangement? I don't want to live without him at any cost. I want to travel with him so badly. I want us to adventure together.

I have no idea what to do. I am so confused.